days 9-12 on Celexa

Sep. 19th, 2017 10:21 pm
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[personal profile] edenfalling
Weird food issues seem to be gone for good. \o/

My sleep schedule hasn't settled, though, which is probably partly my fault for not setting a consistent bedtime and thus not having a roughly consistent getting-up time. Since I take the pills with breakfast, this also introduces several hours of variability into that schedule.

Anyway, I was crushingly exhausted in the afternoons on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday, which resulted in two-hour naps on the latter two days. I was not similarly tired today, and I wonder if that's because I tend to drink tea (and thus get a dose of caffeine) much earlier in the day on work days. But I do the same on Saturdays -- albeit one hour later -- so... a mystery!

Additionally, last night I could not sleep for shit. I used to have mild insomnia as a child and teenager -- the kind where you just can't make your brain shut off no matter how tired you are -- but I had some meditative techniques that mostly worked and that had largely stopped being an issue by my early twenties anyway. (By which I mean, if I had told myself stories when falling asleep as a teen, I would have been up all night, whereas for the past fifteen years such storytelling has been my most reliable way to make myself fall asleep.) Monday night felt like I was eighteen again and could not fall into more than a thin and restless slumber for love or money. It was very frustrating, and I hope that does not repeat tonight.

My mood has been neutral to mildly positive, and while my motivation and time management continue to be iffy and liable to vanish without warning, the world does not feel crushing and impossible, so there's that. I feel like I will get my list of stuff done, even if I don't get to any given task on the first day I schedule for an attempt. That is a noticeable change. :)

[Meme] 10 Favorite Characters

Sep. 18th, 2017 07:21 pm
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[personal profile] edenfalling
[tumblr.com profile] minutia_r tagged me in the 10 characters meme: List ten of your favorite characters in ten different fandoms and then tag ten people

In no particular order:

1. Chronicles of Narnia - Still Edmund, I think, though he has never been ahead by a very large margin and it's grown smaller over the years. I am awfully fond of almost all the characters. (Jadis is my second-favorite in general, and probably my most favorite for writing.)

2. Homestuck - This is tricky! Uh. Can I say Rose, Jade, Dave, Terezi, Karkat, Aradia, Roxy, Jane, Kanaya, Meenah, and Damara all together? It is really hard to make distinctions any more finely graded than that, and anyway which one of that set I like best shifts from day to day.

3. Harry Potter - Probably Harry, giant unobservant doofus that he is. Secondarily Hermione and Ginny. I love Ron lots in canon, but find him fannishly uninteresting.

4. Naruto - Team 7. (By which I mean Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke.) You can't make me subdivide further. *resolve face*

5. Star Trek: AOS - Spock, Kirk, and Uhura.

6. Angel Sanctuary - Kira Sakuya. (Yes, this includes all incarnations.) Secondarily Setsuna and Sara.

7. Enchanted Forest Chronicles - Morwen, obviously! :DDD

8. Darkangel Trilogy - Aeriel, I think. It is her story, and I so desperately want her to be happy.

9. Daredevil (MCU) - Matt. Secondarily Karen and Elektra. (I may find a reckless disregard for one's personal safety, a possibly unhealthy level of determination, and a willingness to deal violence more attractive than I really ought to. Also, someone should write me that threesome...)

10. Dark Is Rising sequence - Blodwen Rowlands! *evil grin* For reasons that are spoilers. But after her, Will, Jane, and Bran in no particular order.

In conclusion, I am kind of terrible at having favorite characters. This is not surprising -- I am terrible at having a favorite anything in any category. I like too many things and I don't want to rank them. *hands*

Secondary conclusion: I do tend to like main characters, insofar as any given canon even has a main character rather than an ensemble. They aren't always in my top tier, but if I don't like them at all, I tend to stop reading.

I am, as always, terrible at tagging so please consider yourself tagged if you want to play! :)

Narnia Fic Exchange and RemixRevival!

Sep. 18th, 2017 11:23 am
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[personal profile] edenfalling
So both the Narnia Fic Exchange and Remix Revival went live on Sunday, and I want to tell you about my lovely gifts!

-----

Words Against the Tide (2834 words) by Anonymous
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Characters: Jadis | The White Witch, Jadis' Sister (Narnia), Original Characters
Additional Tags: Worldbuilding, Charn, Backstory, Magic, Blood Magic

Summary: Charn feeds upon magic, and magic feeds upon Charn, down the ages in the long, slow death of a world.

This is chilling and gorgeous and an all-too-plausible look at both the origin of the Deplorable Word and the decay of a once-bright world and people.

-----

Broken If Revealed (The File It Under the Letter D Remix) (3114 words) by Anonymous
Fandom: Daredevil (TV)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Matt Murdock & Franklin "Foggy" Nelson & Karen Page
Characters: Matt Murdock, Franklin "Foggy" Nelson, Karen Page
Additional Tags: Post-Season/Series 01, Reveal, Friendship, Secrets, Office, Remix, POV Foggy Nelson

Summary: In a file folder buried deep in her desk, Karen has contingency plans, a how-to guide for keeping Nelson and Murdock afloat if she's gone. When Foggy accidentally uncovers them, a few more secrets are revealed along the way.

This is a remix of Broken If Revealed, which swaps Karen and Foggy so he's the one discovering her contingency folder, and which does some really excellent character exploration and compare/contrast between Karen and Matt.

-----

You should go read both of them and compliment the authors! :D

three things make a post

Sep. 15th, 2017 10:25 pm
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[personal profile] edenfalling
1. Yuletide nominations close in 6 hours. Get yours in!

I nominated the following fandoms:

-The Lions of Al-Rassan by Guy Gavriel Kay - Ammar ibn Khairan, Jehane bet Ishak, Rodrigo Belmonte, Miranda Belmonte (this is my perennial request that never gets filled, dammit)

-Catherine Asaro's Saga of the Skolian Empire - Rocalisa Qox-Skolia, Jaibriol Qox III, Kelricson Garlin Valdoria Skolia, Dyhianna "Dehya" Selei (because I still want a story about Lisi)

-Daredevil (Comics) - Karen Page, Elektra Natchios, Kirsten McDuffie, Rebecca Blake (because even though I got two awesome stories about ladies in a previous Yuletide, I always want more)

I'm sure I will be able to find some other fandoms of my heart if I feel like making additional prompts, but those were the three I wanted to make absolutely sure were there, and contained the characters I want to request.

2. I have completed the hiring process for Not the IRS. Yay! (Also my base pay-rate is up from last year. Double yay!) Now I just need to complete my continuing education requirements, and take the test to jump up a level in the internal skill classification scheme. I mean, I have been doing level two and three returns since my first year -- they are not especially hard -- but the computer's auto-matching system doesn't suggest me as an option for anyone over level one, and also level two employees get a minor bonus per completed return in the totally-not-a-commission compensation scheme whereas level one employees get nothing. Hence test.

3. The rental company's renewal and switch period ended on Wednesday, and open rentals began Thursday morning. This week has been kind of crazy with tours -- I have not talked so much per day in months -- and we had people start lining up outside the office at 8:45am Wednesday morning. (We rent on a first-come first-serve basis, and lease commitments/payments must be completed in person.)

My paycheck this week was almost literally twice the usual, because I got a huge commission fee -- this happens when somebody I took on a tour rents an apartment I showed them, so opening day presumably went well. :D I also got an unspecified supplemental payment which may be a general "congrats on working here for a full year" bonus. Or maybe not; there was no explanation on the paystub. *hands* I was very surprised when I checked my bank balance this morning, but pleasantly so, and my budget will now be much less stressful over the next couple months. I might even be able to donate a little to charity!

days 6-8 on Celexa

Sep. 15th, 2017 09:32 pm
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[personal profile] edenfalling
Weird food issues have disappeared -- I am now experiencing hunger correctly, and food once again has flavor. Yay!

I did an experiment on Wednesday night to see how the medication interacted with alcohol. The answer is that it is pretty much as I remembered from my last stint on anti-depressants: namely, that I get really mellow-floaty-detached on remarkably little alcohol, and the next day I feel like I've missed an entire week of sleep. So I will parcel out my two remaining bottles of hard cider on carefully chosen occasions when I have no responsibilities the next day, and the bottle of rosé wine in my fridge will remain unopened until such time as I have guests over to help finish it. And I will just not buy alcohol for the next couple years. *wry*

I am unsure if there's been any particular effect on my mood. I mean, the world is currently in color instead of flat and gray and distant. But I'm not really motivated in any sense, I still have a persistent sense of isolation/futility, and I've let a bunch of planned tasks slide these past few days. So I'll keep an eye on that going forward.

day 5 on Celexa

Sep. 12th, 2017 10:32 pm
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[personal profile] edenfalling
Today was pretty good, actually!

I was tired, but I'm fairly sure that was because I got inadequate sleep rather than a medication side-effect. Food tasted like food again, and I was... not eager for lunch and dinner, precisely, but mildly interested in the idea of eating. I also worked up the spoons to cook the steak and noodles I'd been meaning to cook for a couple days.

Of course, last night after I made yesterday's post I had some nasty gastrointestinal distress, so I wouldn't say everything is perfect, but with a pinch of luck I am adjusting and things will get better from here on out. :)

gardening update, Monday 9/11/17

Sep. 11th, 2017 10:19 pm
edenfalling: stylized black-and-white line art of a sunset over water (Default)
[personal profile] edenfalling
red bell pepper with a human hand for scale



Tiny gardening update! Here is the Lazarus pepper, which I am going to pick later this week and stir-fry with some onions, because reasons. :)

(Regular gardening updates are probably not resuming at this time, sorry. I have been having brain glitch issues.)


[[original Tumblr post, for when the embedded images inevitably break]]

day 4 on Celexa

Sep. 11th, 2017 08:53 pm
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[personal profile] edenfalling
Exhaustion returned with a vengeance, ugh. I had no motivation or energy through the majority of the day and eventually gave up in favor of a nap around 4pm. I slept for slightly over two hours and could happily have made it a four- or five-hour nap if that wouldn't have utterly mucked up my attempt to reestablish a regular sleep schedule.

I am still very unenthused about food. I had a weird moment around 6:30pm (shortly after getting up from the nap) where I felt like I might faint if I didn't eat something soon while simultaneously feeling vaguely nauseated at the thought of eating. I made myself eat some yogurt and felt better thereafter, to the point where I was able to talk myself into cooking the broccoli I'd had on hand for a couple days and eating an actual dinner. I mean, I didn't finish the dinner -- I put the leftovers away in the fridge for tomorrow -- but I got through about 2/3 of it and it had vegetables (broccoli), protein (steak), and starch (elbow noodles), so I count that a victory. It also didn't taste entirely of nothing, though lunch did taste horribly bland, so maybe there is hope that my taste buds and my brain will fix their currently glitched out connection?

Internal temperature regulation glitches continued, to my displeasure. They were worst between about 1pm and 7pm, but seem to have evened out for now.

I've also had a nagging not-quite-headache lurking around the edges of my skull all day, though that may be unrelated to the medication.

day 3 on Celexa

Sep. 10th, 2017 08:56 pm
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[personal profile] edenfalling
I'm still very "oh yeah, food is a thing, isn't it?" Like, I can feel the physical sensation of hunger to the point of mild discomfort and my mental/emotional reaction is just kind of... "well that sure is a thing I am feeling" without any particular urgency to do something about it.

Normally flavorful foods also continue to taste bland and unappetizing, which is deeply weird.

Still kind of tired, though today that may just be because I was up late finishing my NFE draft last night, blargh.

I've been having some minor internal temperature regulation glitches -- suddenly feeling too hot or too cold with no correlation to the actual outside temperature. That is a thing my body likes to do to me any time I'm feeling generally rundown, though, so I figure it's probably a general "yikes, something is changing! throw the temperature alarm???" response rather than a medication-specific reaction.

Less gas today, which is nice!

day 2 on Celexa

Sep. 9th, 2017 09:06 pm
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[personal profile] edenfalling
Food is still very unappetizing. On the one hand, this does make it a lot easier not to eat excessive snacks at work. On the other hand, it's hard to convince myself to eat something nutritious for dinner when nothing sounds appealing and my comfort foods are all terrible carbohydrate things. (Well. I mean. Oatmeal is not terrible, but one cannot live on oatmeal alone -- though adding craisins and milk would probably extend the time limit.) I had to keep adding salt to both lunch and dinner to make them taste vaguely palatable, which is not great as a long-term strategy. (Though apparently low sodium is also a potential side effect of Celexa? Maybe that is why I am craving salt more than I usually do? (And trust me, I already crave salt a lot.))

In contrast to my sudden yen for salt, sugar is dramatically less appealing than usual. I was actually kind of grossed out by a chocolate chip cookie this afternoon, which was disconcerting.

Minor gastrointestinal discomfort, though I'm not sure if that's medication related or ovulation related, since I get minor ghost cramps/discomfort around every second or third ovulation and I'm pretty sure I'm getting my period in approximately two weeks. *wry*

Much less exhausted today, though still more tired than seems reasonable considering I slept nine hours last night.

No discernible effect on concentration/motivation, but I don't really expect anything on that front for another week at least.

day 1 back on Celexa

Sep. 8th, 2017 07:42 pm
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[personal profile] edenfalling
All the sleep I've missed over the past ten years came due at once. This is doubly weird since I actually got a full eight hours last night. But I took an afternoon nap, and I think I'm going to bed by 9pm tonight because holy gods I cannot reliably keep my eyes open.

I have also spent the day feeling kind of "Ugh, food" which is an interesting change over being reliably hungry every three to five hours. It's not exactly nausea, and not exactly lack of hunger/disinterest, but more a general discomfort/disgust at the thought of eating any of the leftovers in my fridge. That is strange because they are delicious things and just yesterday I was excited about eating them. *hands* I had mozzarella sticks for lunch and ramen for dinner instead, because at least that's calories and instant ramen noodles (sans broth) are a comfort-food of mine, in a backhanded way.

Occasional general jitteriness has also made an appearance and I hope it fucks right back off again ASAP.

various things make a post

Sep. 7th, 2017 07:19 pm
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[personal profile] edenfalling
1. We have started apartment tours at the rental office: Wednesday was the first day, with three scheduled tours. (We do not have model apartments, so our tours go to occupied units and we therefore schedule them in advance so as to provide tenants with a day's warning.) Nobody showed up for the first tour, which was amusing since we have received phone and email inquiries about two-bedroom units. The second tour, for a four-bedroom unit, got about twelve people, and the third tour (a six-bedroom unit) got so many people we had to split into two groups when taking them in to the actual apartment. That is par for the course at this time of year -- the multi-person units go fastest because there are fewer of them, and some are much more desirable than others.

2. I had my appointment this morning and left with a one-month prescription for a Celexa generic (20mg dose per pill), which I picked up this afternoon while buying groceries. I will start taking the pills tonight with dinner. The nurse practitioner will call me to check up in two weeks, and we will do an in-person followup in a month. (That is not actually scheduled yet since the medical group hadn't created her schedule that far in advance -- she is apparently a newish hire so they haven't set a fixed pattern for her yet -- but the office will call me to set a date once they know her availability.)

3. This evening, pushing forward with my surge of "oh god please motivation again soon???" I FINALLY put in my Not the IRS applications -- one as a tax preparer and one as a receptionist -- so that process is now in motion.

4. Oh! And I got my official acceptance letter from TC3 a few days ago. So now I need to call the admissions office to see if there are any additional hoops I need to jump through, or if I can skip directly to setting up an appointment with a student success adviser to discuss the quickest way to complete an AA degree, because yay trained monkey papers. *wry*
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